SAY WHAT?

As a young girl, I remember chanting, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" It seemed like the perfect shield against any foe who hurled word darts at me. And I, like many of my friends at the time, truly believed it.

As an adult, I know differently. Words, defined as "meaningful units of language sounds" (Encarta Dictionary) can impact a life for a lifetime. Words can build, or they can break down. They can reinforce, or they can sabotage. Words communicate meaning between people and within ourselves. These messages of meaning help define a person's development psychologically, emotionally, and physically. Compared to words, sticks and stones have the impact of limp spaghetti and undercooked meatballs!

So, where do these words spoken to ourselves come from? People have threaded in and out of our lives since birth. As we developed, their words and their meanings were deposited into our language banks. We internalized them and that guided our developing self-image. If these words were positive, we created a favorable image of ourselves. By contrast, negative words suffocated our spirit, and our self-image struggled. Our self-talk, or what we say to ourselves hundreds of times a day, was set in motion a long time ago, but it's impact is felt in everything we do presently.

Striving for improved health through weight management and exercise is an important goal. It requires commitment, consistency, and a belief in oneself. The dialogue you have with yourself each day must support and reinforce your efforts. If it does not, it's a little like kayaking against the current. At first you feel like you're making progress, but then you get so tired of fighting the forces against you, that you end up back where you started.

Imagine yourself in front of the mirror. Many of us do this several times a day. Now, what do you say to yourself when you view your image? Next, imagine yourself saying these same things to another human being. Critical comments about your thighs, belly, lack of progress - how would another person respond if you said those things to them? My guess is they'd be embarrassed, degraded, hurt - even depressed. Okay, let's go back to you saying those words to yourself. How do you feel? A diminished sense of self is the likely outcome of this inner dialogue, and feeling motivated to improve is nonexistent.

As a personal trainer for many years, I have heard my clients verbalize this negative self-talk to me. Sometimes,they don't even realize they are saying it out loud. Part of my job is to recognize this dialogue and help my client see how it undermines their efforts towards improved health. I try to help them focus on what is positive. But for all of my redirection and discussion of the power of their words,I don't hear what my client is saying during the other twenty-three hours in the day. And the impact of that many hours versus my one hour with them is huge.

So what can be done if you are guilty of negative self-talk? Those inner voices are awfully powerful and feel very real. The first step would be to listen to your self-talk. I'll bet you aren't even aware of the words you use repeatedly towards yourself. Try to identify where they came from. Sometimes, the words are so second nature to us that we don't remember their origins. That's okay. But ask yourself if your words, if spoken to your best friend, would help them achieve his or her goals.

The second step is to talk back to negative self-talk. You don't have to do this aloud, but you can challenge the words and their meanings. Don't surrender to them. Substitute positive, reinforcing words that convey confidence and conviction. Sometimes we have to "fake it 'til we make it," and this is no exception. Spoken often enough, these positive, alternative words will have staying power, and they, too, can become second nature.

Remember, words may not break bones, but they do have the capacity to break the spirit. If your words to yourself are anything less than encouraging, it's time to confront the enemy - YOU. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's that talking with such gall?