YOUR SABOTAGING TWIN

Until age eight, I tangled with my younger sister - constantly. We bickered and argued, competed and succeeded in imagined rivalries. Only eleven months separated our births. We were almost twins - or so we'd giggle to each other on the days we formed a truce. On the other days, we barely spoke in our shared bedroom. Our lives physically and emotionally collided until, one day, we realized we could be friends. We could be allies in the cruel world of growing up, helping instead of sabotaging each other. Within every human being, a similar rivalry often exists. No siblings required. Whether it's a vicious stand-off between our two selves or one side incessantly chattering in the other side's ear, stepping out of our comfort zone can be the ultimate trigger.

A new client of mine was on the verge of quitting - exercise, dieting, and the whole "getting healthy thing." Oddly, she'd been feeling energized, strong - even euphoric - during our training sessions. She felt motivated to lose those fifty extra pounds and to reclaim her triceps. That was until an inner twin kept driving her to McDonald's and ordering a Big Mac and strawberry shake. Oh, and fries, too. Why, she pleaded, was she blatantly sabotaging her own efforts to succeed? This scenario had played out during past attempts she'd made to get healthy, and she demanded to know why.

First, I reminded my client that exercise is a non-negotiable. It isn't temporary, disposable, or replaceable. It must be a "given" in her lifestyle, period. She swallowed hard hearing that. It is tough to hear that quitting isn't an option. Why the inner battle then, she demanded to know.

Change is the issue - not the decision to get healthy. A comfort zone exists within each of us. It is unique to each person and is influenced by their life circumstances. The comfort zone feels cozy, non-stressful, familiar. It is what I imagine hibernation to feel like. Disruption of that safe harbor causes a reaction within us - a discomfort that is usually accompanied by fear.

For my client, her discomfort presented like a taunting twin. This twin's familiar, threatening tongue lashed out whenever she tried to make healthy food choices or to independently exercise. My client was surrendering to the twin's strong, convincing voice, and that made my client angry. Together, my client and I examined the beliefs she held of herself based upon her unique life experiences, and we could see how these beliefs were holding her back from change. You see, each of us has a vested interest in old beliefs or we wouldn't cling so tightly to them. My client needed to understand, first, what her beliefs about herself were. Then, she needed to find out what benefit she received from maintaining them. A benefit might be as simple as the comfort of routine. No surprises. No risks and little tension. Or the benefit could be as complex as the affirmation of a distorted self-image created by an abusive environment. The key is awareness first. Know thyself.

Once these questions are probed and some answers begin to reveal themselves, then it makes sense why change causes the evil twin to emerge. In order to face down the strength of the opposition, I suggest taking the following steps:

1. ACKNOWLEDGE the discomfort created by making a change. This immediately reduces the anxiety. It's like a parent assuring her terrified child that there are no monsters under the bed. Together, they peek under the bed and see only darkness - no boogie men lurking underneath. So there, they say to Mr. Fear. You can go away now because we recognize you.

2. TAKE ACTION in spite of the discomfort. Having a plan provides structure and a map in case you lose your way. And you will. But you can go back to the main road, read the signs, and you'll be back on your way. Mileage markers are like recorded successes. We need to create our own mileage markers. On a long trip, these successes can build confidence and restore purpose. So, follow your plan, get back on the main drag when you veer off, and load up those mileage markers at every opportunity.

3. TRUST yourself to handle the unrest generated by the positive changes you're making. The disgruntled twin will quiet down. You can't make a smooth cake batter without first mixing the lumpy flour, sugar, eggs, and butter. Take responsibility for seeking the riches of what life has to offer beyond your comfort zone. Trust yourself to make the jump and keep churning when the texture of the batter isn't smooth.

There is comfort in certainty - until you realize that life is dynamic and certainty is just an illusion. Go ahead, initiate change for the better and face the initial discomfort on your terms. After a while, the trouble-making twin will retreat. She has to. You're in charge now.